Disclosure: this post discusses sex-related topics and may not be suitable for younger readers. Discretion is advised.

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INTRODUCTIONS

We live a world that is filled with sexual temptation and perversion. Few make it through life unscathed. Many more bear scars or suffer painful wounds as a result of sexual sin.

This seems to be a taboo subject among many Christian circles, but I don’t believe that it should be. We serve a God who is able and willing to forgive all sin and transform any heart.

He is the author and Creator of sex, and His design for sexuality is a piece of His perfect, purposed portion for our lives.

So I want to break this subject open.

Today, I’m going to share a moving testimony from a brave woman and fellow blogger named Sarah Cole.

In this post, Sarah will share about her personal experiences with sexual temptation and reveal the emotional consequences that she experienced as a result of giving into sin. She will talk about the damaging effects of the ignorant judgment and cruel rejection she faced from her peers. But she will also share about the forgiveness and restoration that she experienced when she turned to God with a broken and contrite heart.

So read along today as Sarah shares her vulnerable and beautiful testimony of redemption and healing after sexual sin.

Psalm 51:1-4

1 Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness; 

According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions.

2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity

And cleanse me from my sin.

3 For I know my transgressions,

And my sin is ever before me.

4 Against You, You only, I have sinned

And done what is evil in Your sight,

So that You are justified when You speak

And blameless when You judge.

MY QUICK DESCENT

I started dating my first boyfriend near the end of my senior year in high school. He was a godly guy who was very active in church.

Because we both grew up in church with strong, growing Christian families, I never anticipated that our relationship would be drudged down by sexual sin so quickly.

But just a few weeks after we started dating, we shared our first kiss. And it was during that first kiss that we crossed the boundaries into sexual sin.

For months afterward, I found myself in situations where I felt like I couldn’t resist giving into sexual temptation.

I had an accountability partner at the time who was also my best friend. And I confessed what I was doing with my boyfriend to her regularly. But after she expressed her disappointment and prayed with me, we generally carried on with business as usual.

Psalm 51:5

Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,

And in sin my mother conceived me.

Six months into our dating relationship, we had sex for the first time.

I was surprised at how easily I gave up my virginity. But I was even more shocked by the strong emotions this sin stirred up in me.

I expected sex to make me feel protected and secure. Instead, it made me feel embarrassed and alone.

OUR CONFESSION

My boyfriend and I decided that we needed to confess our sin to several of our church leaders.

I hoped to find forgiveness and accountability through them. But when we disclosed what had happened, I only found isolation and rejection.

My church friends stopped talking to me. My “best friend” and accountability partner cut off all contact with me. And the leaders who we’d confessed to made little effort to follow up with us.

This rejection only served to amplify my feelings of shame and loneliness. As a result, I sought even more comfort in my boyfriend, which led to even more sexual sin.

Let me quickly clarify that I know that I alone am responsible for my sin.

Those who rejected me are not responsible for the choices I made. Though their actions were contributing factors in making me feel miserable, I could and should have sought solace in Jesus instead of through sex with my boyfriend.

Psalm 51:6-9

6 Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being,

And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.

7 Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;

Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

8 Make me to hear joy and gladness,

Let the bones which You have broken rejoice.

9 Hide Your face from my sins

And blot out all my iniquities.

FAILED ESCAPE

In a desperate attempt to escape my situation, I decided to move in with some family roughly 1,500 miles away from my home. I told myself I was fleeing from my sexual sin, but I was really just running away from my problems.

My boyfriend and I maintained our relationship by remaining connected through modern technology. The same technology that helped us maintain our long-distance relationship also opened up new avenues for sexual temptation. So, I continued to struggle with the same sin that I had attempted to run away from.

This led me to slip into the worst depression I’ve ever experienced.

I was hundreds of miles away from my parents. I had no friends to talk to or confide in, and I was seemingly trapped in this sin I desperately wanted to escape. I felt absolutely hopeless.

Psalm 51:10-13

10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,

And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

11 Do not cast me away from Your presence

And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.

12 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation

And sustain me with a willing spirit.

13 Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,

And sinners will be converted to You.

DAMAGE CONTROL

While I was away, my boyfriend planned to come visit me to celebrate a belated Valentine’s Day.

I was desperate to see him. But I was also concerned about the dangerous situation we’d be putting ourselves in. As we talked about it, we realized we would be unable to resist temptation while spending time together alone. So, rather impulsively, we decided to elope.

Psalm 51:14-17

14 Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, the God of my salvation;

Then my tongue will joyfully sing of Your righteousness.

15 O Lord, open my lips,

That my mouth may declare Your praise.

16 For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it;

You are not pleased with burnt offering.

17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;

A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.

FACING CONSEQUENCES

I could write a book about the many emotional, physical, and spiritual consequences that my husband and I face as a result of our decision to engage in premarital sex. But the impact our decision had on our intimacy was by far one of the most devastating physical consequences.

After we got married, sex was no longer exciting. The comfort and security I’d once found through physical intimacy was gone.

Now, sex with my husband felt more like a chore than a blessing. And he could sense that.

So much precious time was lost because of our sinful actions prior to marriage.

It took nearly four years for us work through the issues that were affecting our intimacy. But by God’s grace and mercy, I’m thankful to say that we were able to cultivate a healthy sex life within our marriage.

REDEMPTION AND HOPE

During the first one to two years of my marriage, I clung to Psalm 51:17, “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.” These words gave me hope in my season of strife and unrest.

King David wrote Psalm 51 after committing adultery with a married woman and murdering her husband in a desperate attempt to cover up his sin. I reasoned that  if God could forgive and bless David after committing such atrocities, He could forgive me for my own sexual sin. 

I experienced a lot of heartache because of my sin, but God has been so gracious to me.

He mercifully convicted me of my sin and brought me to repentance and then forgave me and healed my marriage.

He used precious people in our new church home and within small groups to help bring about marital restoration and health.

And He blessed my husband and me with three precious boys–one now a preschooler, another a toddler, and one in heaven with Him.

My husband and I still have a lot of maturing to do. But, now, instead of dreading the work it takes to cultivate healthy, God-centered marriage, we look forward to growing together through the hope that the Lord gives.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I pray that my story helped and encouraged you today and shed some light on God’s design for sexuality.

When we act as our own centers of intimacy, we compromise how we relate to all of our loved ones. But when Christ is the foundation of our intimacy, we set ourselves up for strong, healthy relationships.

To those yet to enter in a relationship, I want to encourage you to set up healthy, counter-cultural boundaries that will prevent you from experiencing unneeded sexual temptation and falling into sexual sin.

To those who are struggling to escape sexual sin and/or the shame that accompanies it, I encourage you to ruthlessly seek our loving God. In Him, you can find forgiveness and freedom and wholeness. And He embraces you with open arms.

MORE ENCOURAGING POSTS FROM SARAH

HOW TO EMBRACE BROKENNESS TO FIND JOY

3 WAYS TO BREAK THE CYCLE OF LONELINESS

LETTER TO THE LONELY